sometimes, bad movies are just so bad, you don't even know where to start. but now i know where to start. well, not exactly. it's gonna be bersepah-sepah. but i'll just say what i want to say.
let's start with THE ORPHAN KILLER.
boo
first off, i don't even know WHY the f*ck did i download these horrible movies. oh wait i know why. i just want some new movies. so i googled 2011 movies, got their titles, then started downloading. why do they still make these kind of movies??
it's so tacky. so stupid. yeah, no movies are perfect. unless they were inspired by true stories, and they changed very little to make the movie interesting. that's acceptable. example : 127 HOURS.
a triumphant true story gitu
some movies, you can just enjoy them. and if you want to find the movie's weaknesses, you can watch again, and find the bummers. that's also acceptable. example : THE RISE OF THE PLANET OF THE APES.
ceasar says NO!
these are great movies. not just because JAMES FRANCO starred in both of them.
reeeeaaaly?
but THE ORPHAN KILLER. hmmm. ok first, i don't like gory, bloody movies. darah-darah banyak. potong tangan la, potong kaki la. toreh sana toreh sini. jerit sana jerit sini. perempuan jerit sangat bising ye. lama pulak tu. ok fine i got it. you jerit. nak tunggu pulak sampai you habis jerit. haih.
then, dah la konon nak buat toreh-toreh. nampak sangat la dia just run the blunt knife along the lady's back, and we can see the blood trail from there. JUST trail. no wound. c'mon laa kedekut betul. upah la siapa-siapa pandai lukis wound.
lepas tu lepas tu, bila that killer nak kejar that lady, keluar pulak music rock. huh? are you f*cking kidding me? tak silap i, lagu slipknot.
ok maybe si killer ni punya topeng pun di inspired by one of these.
the 1st one maybe?
lepas tu, lepas tu, that killer pakai topeng. kononnya dari dia kecik la dah pakai tu. sampai besar, tak pernah bukak-bukak. macam mana dia makan ek? ok la ada lubang sikit kat mulut topeng tu. boleh la kot makan. tapi tapi. badan that killer is well-built. macam cukup makan. you punya selera makan ok ke bila pakai topeng tu? dengan terpalit-palit darah orang yg you bunuh tu. oh ok you drink your victims' blood. lupa pulak. i thought you were supposed to be malnourished. ahaks. lepas tu, lepas tu. you tak basuh muka ke? sure muka you minyak-minyak dalam tu. eww.
the killer tu mesti ada troubled childhood punya. dulu parents dia pun kena bunuh, dia witnessed sendiri his parents' murder. then dia jadi psychopath. pfft. typical.
lepas tu, lepas tu. that lady yg dikejar tu, dapat pulak ditangkap. di torture-torture la kan. lepas tu that killer pergi cucuk screwdriver kat kaki that lady. lepas tu jerit. dan jerit lagi. dan jerit lagi. sampai i kena fast forward la kan. tangan dia kena ikat guna wayar tajam-tajam gitu. lepas tu, lepas tu. of course lah dia boleh lepas kan. dia tarik-tarik sendiri, benda tu jadi longgar sendiri. uish. sakit betul lah. lepas tu, lepas tu. sebab kaki dah kena cucuk screwdriver, jadi jalan pun kena lah tempang-tempang sikit gitu. eleh. tu pun nak tempang. tapi boleh pulak angkat-angkat kapak guna dua-dua tangan yg tadi injured kena wayar tajam-tajam tu. tangan tak sakit ke? kaki je sakit?
lepas tu, lepas tu. that lady pun ambushed la that killer. wah pukul-pukul kepala dia. sampai darah pun keluar dari mask dia yg dia tak pernah dibukak tu. lepas tu tinggal je body that killer kat situ. that lady pun pergi la jalan naik atas bumbung. nangis-nangis. konon dah habis segala penderitaan sekian-sekian. i pun tak tau la kenapa dia nak pergi bumbung.
masa nak pergi bumbung tu, suddenly, wound dari tempat kena cucuk screwdriver tu membuak-buak darah keluar. eh. tadi tak keluar pun? kenapa nak naik bumbung baru nak keluar darah? bukan sepatutnya dah clot ke? lepas tu, jalan dah tak tempang dah. kena MERANGKAK pulaak. ha baru dramatik you.
lepas tu, lepas tu. of course lah that killer rose from the dead kan. cerita-cerita pembunuh ni, pembunuh ni mesti liat nak mati tau. i pun tak tau la kenapa. dia nak bagi suspens banyak kot. nak bagi thrill. tapi masalahnya, i dah tau dah tu semua. diorang ni suka tau. buat cerita yg predictable. ok berbalik kepada rise-from-the-dead killer. dia pun kejar la that lady guna kapak. that lady tu pun mengengsot-ngengsot (dramatik) away from that killer. bila that killer angkat je kapak tu, setinggi-tinggi alam, nak smash the lady's skull, i dah agak dah : mesti kena tembak kejap lagi.
BANG! BANG! betul you. memang kena tembak. the predictability of this movie is just unbelievable. how ironic.
fyi, the gun belongs to a policeman, who try bunuh jugak that killer, but dia dah kena belasah dulu. sebab policemen always got beaten up by the bad guys.
adoi, nak kena tembak pun nak kena guna grafik. bosan betul. pistol yg tembak tu ada la api-api sikit keluar dari muncung pistol. serious sedih gila.
ha lagi satu typical horror movies (horror lah sangat). mesti ada punya nak naked girls. sikit pun jadi lah. maybe dia tau movie dia sangat bosan and langsung lah tak logik, jadi dia masukkan la naked girls nak bagi orang stay tengok. ok zhafran, tak payah nak tengok movie ni pastu fast forward cari perempuan bogel ok. XOXO, OMG! ahaks.
No comments:
Post a Comment