suju

oho! two posts in a day. just minutes apart. takpe. sebab sekarang, i want to mengumpat budak year 3. harharhar.

budak-budak year 3 ni, kurang manners la. i don't like. menyombong tak tentu hala.

ok la unfair kalau cakap semua year 3 macam tu. tidak. lagipun yang menyombong tu aku kenal sikit je. jangankan nila setitik, rosak susu sebelanga. don't let a buffalo smeared with mud smear all the other buffaloes with mud. 

tapi yang nak cerita ni yang sombong la kan?

huh. pandang tak senyum pun. tau la cantik. cantik pun perangai buruk tak guna jugak. tak nak cakap or mintak tunjuk ajar seniors pun, senyum je la bila jumpa. tunjuk hormat sikit. bukan menonong jalan tayang muka cun kau tu.

kalau nak panggil or tanya seniors, pergi dekat-dekat, then cakap, 

"err kak, sorry nak tanya. teaching dengan mr praveen hari ni pukul berapa ye?"

haa kan sejuk je telinga aku dengar. then maybe aku akan jawab,

"eh aku tak tau la. sori. tanya la ketua kau."

itu kira baik la tu aku jawab. ini tidak. nak panggil aku, dari jauh di gamit-gamit je guna tangan. tau tak gamit tu apa? tau kan la. lepas tu terus tanya teaching dengan mr praveen pukul berapa. hoi, dah la tu kelas year 3 sebenarnya. kitorang yg year 5 ni nak tumpang sama je. sepatutnya year 3 la yang tau kelas tu pukul berapa. sepatutnya aku la yang tanya kelas tu pukul berapa. tapi still, aku jawab macam yang aku jawab kat atas tu. entah la mungkin aku dah jadi baik?

yang lagi satu ni jadi kat kawan aku. malam-malam budak year 3 ni datang ward. entah apa kau buat pun aku tak tau. baca case notes. fine. nak cari case write up kot. duduk kat counter. lepas tu ditolaknya kerusi. ok lagi. tapi, kerusi yang ditolak tu terkena kawan aku. kuat la jugak. ok lagi. tapi, dia tak cakap sorry pun!. ok la sebenarnya dengar benda ni macam kecik je. memang kecik pun. tapi, benda-benda kecik macam ni la yang matter sebenarnya. tak kisah la kau terlanggar siapa-siapa pun, kau mesti la cakap sorry. kalau aku terlanggar juniors pun, aku cakap sorry what. damn.

nak kata karma, aku rasa time aku junior dulu takde pulak aku kurang ajar dengan seniors. jarang bercakap-cakap pun. jumpa senyum, tunduk, sudah.

budak-budak ni. sebenarnya, kalau korang approach aku, and mintak tolong macam, how to present long case ke, how to present during ward rounds ke, boleh la aku tunjuk ajar sikit-sikit. bukan la nak kata aku hebat ke apa. tapi, i've been in your place once. i've been the third year medical student in surgery posting, who was super blur. surgery was my first posting in 3rd year. nak history taking hancur. nak present lagi la hancur. tapi aku tak tanya seniors pun. tapi entah macam mana aku boleh survive. but kalau tanya seniors pun aku rasa lagi bagus. kurang la blur2 tu.

these things take practice. masa 3rd year sangat ngeng. lama-lama, dah biasa history taking, dah biasa dengar orang present, so sendiri akan improve. kalau korang approach aku, akan akan spoon-feed korang. sebab aku tau lecturers sekarang semua taknak spoon-feed. kadang-kadang, bila kau blur yang tersangat-sangat, spoon-feeding is like a blessing. bila kau blur, tiba-tiba ada orang yang nak bagitau semua benda, and kau just senyap je. kau tanya la macam-macam, and orang tu akan bagitau. pergh heaven. tapi ni kalau nak spoon-feed benda-benda basic je la. like, doctor ni nak apa, doctor tu nak apa.

haih. penatnya. typing pun penat. terasa macam membebel betul-betul.

my lots-and-lots-of free time

so today i'm going to teluk intan. for surgery posting. not sure to feel happy or not. got no internet there. unless you go to giant's mcdonald's or oldtown white coffee or burger king.

i don't have a car. i'm not close to the ones who have.

i've finished watching how i met your mother season 7. i don't have season 8.

somebody i don't like has the big bang theory season 4, which i don't have. so i'll just be a two-faced bitch and kindly ask him to give me the big bang theory season 4. so i can watch it during my lots-and-lots-of free time in teluk intan.

i scroll down through facebook. and hate what i see. attention seekers all over  malaysia. and wondering why do i even have them in my friendlist. but i still feel like scrolling down and curse them silently, since in teluk intan i won't be able to get to facebook. oh wait i have a smart phone. dang.

i have a lot of work to do. case write up, dual-language forensic reports. better do it during my lots-and-lots-of free time in teluk intan. i haven't seen my mentor yet. the deadline was in october. shit. i don't know how to do a resume or CV. shit.

everybody is screaming about jpa now. they've run out of money. i don't have that problem, but i'll be happy if the money comes in quickly. who won't?

and oh yes. i'm getting engaged this december.

and oh yes. the professional exam is in 5-month time. how awesome since i'm like, fully prepared yo.

patriotik la sikit, dik.

korang tau tak, perjalanan aku nak jadi doktor ni, tak sampai lagi setahun? TAK SAMPAI setahun. adoi. mung takut dok? aku takot. tapi aku nak type2 lagi ni.

tiba-tiba, hari ini, aku diserang bersin-bersin. aku tak tau kenapa. mungkinkah URTI? mungkin juga.

ni nak meluahkan perasaan pasal negara sikit. ecewah. aku tak la tau sangat pasal negara, politik bagai. tapi ni cerita yang pijak-pijak gambar pemimpin negara, tunjuk bontot la hape la. oh, tolong jangan one side je lah everybody. ada jugak kes orang kencingkan gambar Nik Aziz. tapi disebabkan media massa negara ini dimonopoli kerajaan, jadi cerita kencing ni tak berapa nak famous.

bila aku dengar je cerita-cerita ni, aku pun nak bagi la opinion aku kat mak aku. sebenarnya mak aku yg bagitau pasal kencing gambar nik aziz tu.

diorang ni, takde keje lain ke nak buat? pijak-pijak gambar, buat bendera baru (yang hampeh serious tak lawa nak macam singapore. pelik betol orang malaysia ni), tunjuk punggung, kencing-kencing. daripada anda semua buat benda-benda tak berfaedah ini, baik anda semua pergi shopping ke. tengok tv ke. pegi kafe makan ke. bukak laptop, tengok the big bang theory ke. TIDUR KE. bukan semua orang suka tido ke? suka makan ke?

beriya sangat berpolitik. aku ingat lagi ayat bapak aku kepada seseorang yang membuat lawak pasal PM:

"Kalau pemimpin negara pun awak tak hormat, takkan awak nak hormat saya yang Jurubahasa je ni?"

perh tersentap minah tu. padan muka. betul jugak tu. maybe i sound like i'm more to the government, but actually, no. harini ada pilihanraya UKM pun aku tak mengundi harharhar. but seriously, no. this is about humanity. and self-respect. and respecting others. ketepikan la politik tu sekejap. awak tu tak malu ke kencing depan orang ramai? tak malu ke bukak seluar tunjuk bontot kat orang ramai? ee entah ape-ape. budak hingusan.

aku ni pun bukan la baik sangat. memang tak baik pun. jahat je. ramai lagi lagi 'angel' dari aku. melampau-lampau angel (tiada perlian di situ. tapi tak tau kenapa nak ada inverted comma).

maybe sebab aku da pegi kem BTN haritu masa PPD camp. selama ni pegi masa 1st year, 3rd year nampak sangat la aku tido je, tak menyerap apa-apa. baru-baru ni la nak ada kesedaran sikit. ye saya tau, kem BTN tu pro kerajaan. tapi, saya ambik nilai-nilai patriotism sahaja. saya sayang negara saya no matter what. as long as i live happily, in this peaceful country, i am grateful. 

kenapa kau tak suka sangat PM kita tu? sebab bini beliau ke? ke sebab beliau sendiri? bagi aku, kalau PM kita macam diktator, bunuh orang beramai-ramai sukahati, rampas harta orang, nak wujudkan satu negara berdasarkan idea dia sahaja (ok la i maksudkan hitler, pol pot semua la tu), baru la i marah-marah. 

ok la sebenarnya i tak paham la rakyat malaysia yang muda mudi yang asyik nak marah je keje. dengar orang lain cakap sikit dah melenting huu haa huu haa marahnyew sayeww. apa? bahasa inggeris dalam maths and science? no way! alah kalau dalam bahasa melayu pun kau jawab entah apa-apa.

belajarlah. dengan tenang. jangan keluar malam-malam join perhimpunan haram. or pergi clubbing. cool sangat lah tu smoking and drinking tu. pastu post kat fb. haih.

dengan ini saya menghabiskan omelan saya.

Michael Fassbender

Hello, everyone. how's it going? that's just a rhetorical question. i don't even know who you are.

try to read my text here in British accent, will ya? now i know why some people say British accent is sexy. it's because Michael Fassbender lives in England. do you know who Michael Fassbender is? if you don't, then google him for internet's sake. you may get some not-so-handsome images of him, so i recommend you to watch some of his clips in youtube, because he looks damn better in videos than in still images.

although he lives in England, he is actually a German-Irish actor. i thought Ireland is another country? but some people say it's part of England? whatever.

enough with the polite chit-chat about my man Fassy. let's get ferocious!

if you want to be charming, get a smile as wide as his:

i don't have any problem with smokers. as long as they're bad-ass looking smoker:

fedoras are soo last season, but it's totally made for Fassy:

i don't mind some scruffs, or beards or a slightly dishevelled-looking hunk. do you?

i thought so. and recently he was on the cover of GQ magazine.

hope he wins man of the year. totally deserves it. if you still don't think he's hot, i think there's something wrong with your eyes. please get an appointment at the ophthalmology clinic, thank you.

if you watch his clips on youtube, some of his interviews and stuff, you'll also find that this man has got some sense of humor. oh wait, that's an understatement. this man is HILARIOUS gagagagA! well maybe that's an understatement too. but hey, i already liked this guy, so whatever he says makes me smile :DD

actually, other than Michael Fassbender, i want to talk about another thing. do you know about specific people? not specific people. people who are specific. for example:

A: are you sure about this?

B: yeah sure.

A: how sure are you?

B: pretty sure.

A: how sure is 'pretty sure'?

B: .....maybe an 80% sure.

A: there's a 'maybe' there.

B: yeah.

A: so what percentage does a 'maybe' account for?

B: i don't know.

A: so you're not sure?

B: i don't know. i guess.

A: so there's an 'i guess' there.

B: oh fuck off.

which category do you fall into? i'm an A for sure. annoying people all year round.

that's all, have a nice day everyone :)

Criminology: a chronic obsession

Assalamualaikum.

aku perasan aku tak pernahnya nak bagi salam dalam post2 aku. but again, intipatinya pun entah apa2. so, hm.

aku suka baca pasal murder. torture murder, child abuse, cyber bullying, dan seangkatan dengannya. aku suka tengok CSI. tapi yang Las Vegas je. bagi aku, CSI Miami dgn CSI NY tu drama je banyak. aku rasa macam nak ambik master dalam forensik. mak aku pun menggalakkan.

alah, setakat CSI, semua orang pon boleh tengok, ye dok? turn to channel  AXN 701.

haritu, aku ada jalan2 dekat library. ye, library itu besar. boleh jalan2. selalunya aku pergi tempat novel2 cintan cintun je. kat blakaaang nun. lepas tu aku pun rasa guilty sebab tak study. lepas grab 2 buku novel cintan cintun, aku pon konon nak jalan2 la kat rak buku ilmiah. konon nak cari buku Family Medicine. haruslah takde kan. mane ade buku Family Medicine. haish.

tapi aku perasan, kat row rak2 yang laaagi belakang tu. adalah buku2 merepek mengarut pelik2 aku tengok.

Bali Houses. aku bukak, gambar rumah kat Bali. cantik2 woo. macam kat hotel la tu kan. modern + ada la ciri2 Bali kot. mana aku tau aku tak penah pegi Bali. 

Indian Houses. aku bukak, wah lagi cantik. entah hotel mana dia amik. amboi, yang cantik2 je nak letak dalam buku tu ye. rumah2 miskin tepi jalan xde air xde elektrik tu xnak letak? emo pula di situ.

Learn How To Speak. oh ada buku English. aku cari buku Grammar xdak pun. yg ada how to speak. camane nak speak kalau tak dengar? mesti lah sediakan CD untuk aku pasang dan dengar dan speak, kan? adoi.

Anatomy Made Easy. ok ini sgt fun, serious. dalam tu, lukisan anatomy macam komik. aku rasa, memang orang yg lukis komik2 mcm Superman, Spiderman tu la yang buat. siap ajar cmane nak lukis2. tapi anatomy nye superficial je la. setakat superficial muscles, dengan big bones. nak harap artery, veins, nerves mintak ampun la.

lepas tu, satu rak ni telah menghantui aku. ada 2 column kat rak tu penuh dengan: 

CRIMINOLOGY.

sex crime, sex crime against children, suicide, the victims, how to chase a serial killer, homicide, CSI.

wah jakun aku jadinya. 

tapi, ada pulak novel! ada cerita pasal crime2 ni. and, novel2 ni semua BASED ON A TRUE STORY. ever heard of a saying:

once you know a movie is based on a true story, it becomes 100x scarier.

tapi ni novel. ada satu novel ni. cover dia laahai buruknya. kaler merah, ada gambar 2 lelaki, half-half. tajuk dia: 

Like Father Like Son. 

aku ingat apa la. rupanya, tu based on a true story! a psychopath father kills a child with the help of his son. gambar half-half tu ialah gambar betul killers tu. oh meremang.

aku pon pegi letak balik satu novel cintan cintun tu. aku amik buku Like Father Like Son tu. ini mesti baca! ini mesti! inilah buku yang selama ini aku cari.

ee gruesome. and disgusting. aku rasa buku tu telah membuka minda aku ni, kepada semua awful possibilities that may happen in this very world. silalah baca kalau anda semua kuat hati.

aku terfikir, kan aku selalu search2 kat internet pasal torture murder. pinjam buku pon pasal torture murder.

NANTI AKU JADI PSYCHOPATH KE?

omg God forbid. lagi satu, aku fikir, kalau sini ada mayat kena bunuh brutally ke, kalau diorang nak investigate, aku mungkin boleh jadi salah satu suspek. kalau encik2 polis yang investigate tu tengok la history website yang aku visit. dan tengok rekod buku apa aku pinjam kat library. tapi banyak buku cintan cintun je tuan inspektor. saya tak bersalah langsung!

tapi sebenarnya, aku admit la. lepas baca buku2, or artikel2 kat internet pasal torture murder ni, jiwa aku kacau la. tak tau la sebab apa. tak tau la aku ada terbayang2 ke, terasa diri sendiri terkena torture tu ke. tapi hati aku jadi tak sedap la. somehow, aku rasa lega sebab, i think that's how a normal person should feel like after she reads some ugly things like that.

picture perfect

you a 9gagger? you ever came across this post

"have you ever pictured a perfect movie scene in your head right before you go to sleep?"

well i have. and still am doing it. want to know what my movie scene is like? it is just one scene, and i'm going to tell you about it.

there is this one girl. she lives in america. she is an immigrant. so she is very poor. she gets a job at some madison square garden or something. doesn't really matter where, but that place must have a basketball court where the nba players are playing. ok. then she works as a janitor or something. something really low-key with a very bad paycheck. so she does her work everyday, watching the tournament, watching the players practise everyday. she really has this crush on one player. but she knows she is out of his league. so she just admires him from afar. 

all of the players takes little notice on her. after all, she's a janitor. so she makes friends with another janitor, an old black man. they are good friends. so then comes this day, which is her birthday. nobody knows when her birthday is. because nobody really cares. then one day this janitor caught her talking to herself in the locker room. he asks:

Janitor (J): what are you doing?

Girl (G): oh i'm just practising my speech.

J: for what?

G: today i want to ask Blake for his autograph.

J: after all this time, only now you want to ask for his autograph?

G: well, i want to make it my birthday present.

J: when's your birthday?

G: erm. today, actually (chuckles)

J: what? you never told me! happy birthday sweetheart.

G: thanks, Joe. (the janitor's name happens to be Joe, i just thought of it)

J: good luck with that.

G: yea i think i need that.

so that day's practice went harsh. all the players upset the coach, and they get scolded very bad. but the girl doesn't know that. it happens that, that day is also a busy day for her. with all the speech-practising and stuff. so that girl waits for every player to leave the room. she knows that Blake always gets out last, so that is the perfect chance for her to ask for his autograph.

the clock shows 3 minutes past 6. the girl waits restlessly just outside the locker room. then she sees the locker room goes dark. Blake has turned off the lights, she guesses. suddenly, she feels like her body is being blown by a large force. she is panicked, for a short time, when she realizes that Blake has bumped into her on his way out of the locker room. she doesn't realize that she stands too near the door.

Blake (B): what the fuck? 

he looks at her with this annoyed face. the girl is stunned. she doesn't know what to do. she looks down and sees all of Blake's stuff is strewn all over the place. both of them lower their bodies to pick the stuff. their heads bang.

B: ouch!

G: oh my god. i'm sorry. i'm so, so sorry. i didn't mean to..

B: it's fine.

there is not a hint of smile on his face. she is so nervous, no one in this world has ever been this nervous before. she just stands there watching him collect his things. her hands sweat, her heart is pumping like it wants to get out of her chest. she clutches her hands. then she realizes that she is holding a piece of paper in her right hand and a pen in the other. she looks at the piece of paper. it is crumpled a bit, because of her excessive clutching and sweating. she can see that her hands tremble a little. please don't panic, please don't panic, she recites.

G: um. i, i... um. if you don't mind, um... can you give.. um.. can you please, give.. um, i.. don't know how to say this..

B: WHAT?!!

the girl is struck. she freezes at that very moment. seeing how his face is red with anger and impatience. how she has made him very, very mad at her stupid stuttering. with a long pause, she manages a fake smile, lowers her head, and says,

G: nothing. i'm just sorry.

B: fuckin wasting my time.

he mumbles. but the girl heard it. how those words strike right through her heart. she feels very unimportant in this world. how tiny she is in front of him. she is just a janitor, after all. nobody should talk to the janitor. it's a waste of time. it's a waste of everybody's time. 

G: well, no birthday present for me this year.

she mumbles. she tries to smile, to fight back the tears in her eyes. she never had a birthday present in her life, ever. she feels very lonely. what she doesn't know is, that Joe is watching the whole thing.

sekian terima kasih. 

sepetang bersama kasut adidas

hari ini merupakan salah satu hari paling bersejarah dalam hidup aku. aku telah pergi jogging dengan memakai kasut adidas pink baru aku!

aku sangat gembira! kurasakan bagaikan berlari di atas awan-awan kecil. ok takpe. tak payah nak awan sangat. ini semua placebo effect, you know? you got new shoes, you think you're fabulous. you feel like your feet are super light, you can run as fast as the road runner. you start comparing your shoes with other people's 'meh' shoes. hahahahahaha. what, i'm a douche? ok i'll take that.

disebabkan oleh placebo effect tersebut, aku rase macam aku ni atlet negara gitu. beriye bawak jam konon nak timing. start2 pun dah laju. bila dah laju, mestila cepat penat, kan? tapi tak. sepatutnya, di kawasan tasik tersebut lah bermulanya perasaan penat aku datang melanda. tapi disebabkan i got a fabulous shoes and everybody was watching, so i don't feel that tired. i ran and ran and ran. 

peh semat gile kasut aku.

ok sebenarnya aku sangatlah penat. tapi kalau aku start jalan, aku dah tak boleh lari balik dah. that's impossible! so disebabkan aku ni atlet negara kononnya, aku pun tabahkan hati maintain my pace. slow kan sikiiiit je. oleh sebab tak nak fikirkan pasal penat, aku mestilah cari benda lain nak fikir. what else to think about? other than the other people at the lake itself?

ok so aku lari la belakang couple ni. lelakinya aku tak nampak sangat, sebab tumpuan aku betul2 lah dekat perempuan tu. dia pakai all pink! dengan bawak plastik bag kaler pink lagi.

time tu aku terfikir, "hai, nak pinjam kasut i tak? cukupkan pakej."

lepas tu, lari2, aku nampak banyak pulak photoshoot orang pakai baju kawin. ingatkan satu couple model je. tapi ade la 3-4 couple buat photoshoot. lain-lain tempat. aku terfikir, ni semua dalam same company ke? eh kalau aku lari belakang diorang kang free2 aku dan kasut baru aku masuk majalah Wanita ke, Keluarga ke. hewhewhew.

lepas tu aku dah habis lari. stop la depan satu couple tengah photoshoot ni. perempuannye aku tak nampak sangat. sibuk sangat dengan bunga2, tudung nak berjuntai2 kat tepi. aku nampak la lelaki tu. "eh. tak hensem pun? ok maybe tu bukan model. maybe tu orang yang betul2 nak kawin! tu sebab dia tak hensem." hewhewhew jahatnye aku.

then, ternampak pulak ade orang jogging. pakai baju ape tau? baju ni.

serta-merta, hatiku memberontak: "omg, eww. takde bende lain ke kau nak love."

lepas tu, time aku nak cooling down lah kononnye, aku ternampak la satu keluarga ni. tak lah keluarga sangat, sebab ada bapak dan anak-anak kecilnya sahaja. anak ada 2. sorang perempuan sorang lelaki. diorang jalan-jalan. tiba-tiba, si anak lelaki jatuh terjelepuk. face first. aku terkejut. tapi tak lah terkejut sangat. bapaknya kata, "alahai asyik jatuh je la."

bahahahahahahah. ade ke patut. bukan nak tolong anak die. tapi die tengok anak die dulu, baru dia pergi dekat, tolong budak tu bangun. jauh di dalam hati aku, aku nak tengok budak tu menangis. tapi tak. budak tu tak menangis pun. lepas tu aku pun memerhatikan keluarga tersebut.

sorang pun takde rupe bapaknye. kenapa ye? mungkin kah

yes. that makes a lot of sense.

lepas tu aku pun jalan la balik kolej. dalam perjalanan, aku ternampak la ada satu banner ni. 

SELAMAT DATANG KEPADA PELAJAR PERUBATAN TAHUN 3 KE HUKM. IKHLAS DARIPADA SIAPA-SIAPA.

time tu aku pun terfikir, "alah kalau kau betul-betul ikhlas,.."

tiba-tiba aku terstop dari berfikir. kenapa aku sangat negatif ni? since lari kat tasik lagi. semua benda negatif ada dalam otak aku. semua benda aku nak komen negatif. kasut dah positif dah. kenapa benda lain jadi negatif ni? so aku pun nak stop berfikir. dan dalam hati, aku meminta maaf kepada semua orang yang aku dah kutuk dalam hati. ish2.

lari se round je. kutuk berbakul2.