Monday 25 June 2012

Criminology: a chronic obsession

Assalamualaikum.

aku perasan aku tak pernahnya nak bagi salam dalam post2 aku. but again, intipatinya pun entah apa2. so, hm.

aku suka baca pasal murder. torture murder, child abuse, cyber bullying, dan seangkatan dengannya. aku suka tengok CSI. tapi yang Las Vegas je. bagi aku, CSI Miami dgn CSI NY tu drama je banyak. aku rasa macam nak ambik master dalam forensik. mak aku pun menggalakkan.

alah, setakat CSI, semua orang pon boleh tengok, ye dok? turn to channel  AXN 701.

haritu, aku ada jalan2 dekat library. ye, library itu besar. boleh jalan2. selalunya aku pergi tempat novel2 cintan cintun je. kat blakaaang nun. lepas tu aku pun rasa guilty sebab tak study. lepas grab 2 buku novel cintan cintun, aku pon konon nak jalan2 la kat rak buku ilmiah. konon nak cari buku Family Medicine. haruslah takde kan. mane ade buku Family Medicine. haish.

tapi aku perasan, kat row rak2 yang laaagi belakang tu. adalah buku2 merepek mengarut pelik2 aku tengok.

Bali Houses. aku bukak, gambar rumah kat Bali. cantik2 woo. macam kat hotel la tu kan. modern + ada la ciri2 Bali kot. mana aku tau aku tak penah pegi Bali. 

Indian Houses. aku bukak, wah lagi cantik. entah hotel mana dia amik. amboi, yang cantik2 je nak letak dalam buku tu ye. rumah2 miskin tepi jalan xde air xde elektrik tu xnak letak? emo pula di situ.

Learn How To Speak. oh ada buku English. aku cari buku Grammar xdak pun. yg ada how to speak. camane nak speak kalau tak dengar? mesti lah sediakan CD untuk aku pasang dan dengar dan speak, kan? adoi.

Anatomy Made Easy. ok ini sgt fun, serious. dalam tu, lukisan anatomy macam komik. aku rasa, memang orang yg lukis komik2 mcm Superman, Spiderman tu la yang buat. siap ajar cmane nak lukis2. tapi anatomy nye superficial je la. setakat superficial muscles, dengan big bones. nak harap artery, veins, nerves mintak ampun la.

lepas tu, satu rak ni telah menghantui aku. ada 2 column kat rak tu penuh dengan: 

CRIMINOLOGY.

sex crime, sex crime against children, suicide, the victims, how to chase a serial killer, homicide, CSI.

wah jakun aku jadinya. 

tapi, ada pulak novel! ada cerita pasal crime2 ni. and, novel2 ni semua BASED ON A TRUE STORY. ever heard of a saying:

once you know a movie is based on a true story, it becomes 100x scarier.

tapi ni novel. ada satu novel ni. cover dia laahai buruknya. kaler merah, ada gambar 2 lelaki, half-half. tajuk dia: 

Like Father Like Son. 

aku ingat apa la. rupanya, tu based on a true story! a psychopath father kills a child with the help of his son. gambar half-half tu ialah gambar betul killers tu. oh meremang.

aku pon pegi letak balik satu novel cintan cintun tu. aku amik buku Like Father Like Son tu. ini mesti baca! ini mesti! inilah buku yang selama ini aku cari.

ee gruesome. and disgusting. aku rasa buku tu telah membuka minda aku ni, kepada semua awful possibilities that may happen in this very world. silalah baca kalau anda semua kuat hati.

aku terfikir, kan aku selalu search2 kat internet pasal torture murder. pinjam buku pon pasal torture murder.

NANTI AKU JADI PSYCHOPATH KE?

omg God forbid. lagi satu, aku fikir, kalau sini ada mayat kena bunuh brutally ke, kalau diorang nak investigate, aku mungkin boleh jadi salah satu suspek. kalau encik2 polis yang investigate tu tengok la history website yang aku visit. dan tengok rekod buku apa aku pinjam kat library. tapi banyak buku cintan cintun je tuan inspektor. saya tak bersalah langsung!

tapi sebenarnya, aku admit la. lepas baca buku2, or artikel2 kat internet pasal torture murder ni, jiwa aku kacau la. tak tau la sebab apa. tak tau la aku ada terbayang2 ke, terasa diri sendiri terkena torture tu ke. tapi hati aku jadi tak sedap la. somehow, aku rasa lega sebab, i think that's how a normal person should feel like after she reads some ugly things like that.



Tuesday 12 June 2012

picture perfect

you a 9gagger? you ever came across this post

"have you ever pictured a perfect movie scene in your head right before you go to sleep?"

well i have. and still am doing it. want to know what my movie scene is like? it is just one scene, and i'm going to tell you about it.

there is this one girl. she lives in america. she is an immigrant. so she is very poor. she gets a job at some madison square garden or something. doesn't really matter where, but that place must have a basketball court where the nba players are playing. ok. then she works as a janitor or something. something really low-key with a very bad paycheck. so she does her work everyday, watching the tournament, watching the players practise everyday. she really has this crush on one player. but she knows she is out of his league. so she just admires him from afar. 

all of the players takes little notice on her. after all, she's a janitor. so she makes friends with another janitor, an old black man. they are good friends. so then comes this day, which is her birthday. nobody knows when her birthday is. because nobody really cares. then one day this janitor caught her talking to herself in the locker room. he asks:

Janitor (J): what are you doing?

Girl (G): oh i'm just practising my speech.

J: for what?

G: today i want to ask Blake for his autograph.

J: after all this time, only now you want to ask for his autograph?

G: well, i want to make it my birthday present.

J: when's your birthday?

G: erm. today, actually (chuckles)

J: what? you never told me! happy birthday sweetheart.

G: thanks, Joe. (the janitor's name happens to be Joe, i just thought of it)

J: good luck with that.

G: yea i think i need that.

so that day's practice went harsh. all the players upset the coach, and they get scolded very bad. but the girl doesn't know that. it happens that, that day is also a busy day for her. with all the speech-practising and stuff. so that girl waits for every player to leave the room. she knows that Blake always gets out last, so that is the perfect chance for her to ask for his autograph.

the clock shows 3 minutes past 6. the girl waits restlessly just outside the locker room. then she sees the locker room goes dark. Blake has turned off the lights, she guesses. suddenly, she feels like her body is being blown by a large force. she is panicked, for a short time, when she realizes that Blake has bumped into her on his way out of the locker room. she doesn't realize that she stands too near the door.

Blake (B): what the fuck? 

he looks at her with this annoyed face. the girl is stunned. she doesn't know what to do. she looks down and sees all of Blake's stuff is strewn all over the place. both of them lower their bodies to pick the stuff. their heads bang.

B: ouch!

G: oh my god. i'm sorry. i'm so, so sorry. i didn't mean to..

B: it's fine.

there is not a hint of smile on his face. she is so nervous, no one in this world has ever been this nervous before. she just stands there watching him collect his things. her hands sweat, her heart is pumping like it wants to get out of her chest. she clutches her hands. then she realizes that she is holding a piece of paper in her right hand and a pen in the other. she looks at the piece of paper. it is crumpled a bit, because of her excessive clutching and sweating. she can see that her hands tremble a little. please don't panic, please don't panic, she recites.

G: um. i, i... um. if you don't mind, um... can you give.. um.. can you please, give.. um, i.. don't know how to say this..

B: WHAT?!!

the girl is struck. she freezes at that very moment. seeing how his face is red with anger and impatience. how she has made him very, very mad at her stupid stuttering. with a long pause, she manages a fake smile, lowers her head, and says,

G: nothing. i'm just sorry.

B: fuckin wasting my time.

he mumbles. but the girl heard it. how those words strike right through her heart. she feels very unimportant in this world. how tiny she is in front of him. she is just a janitor, after all. nobody should talk to the janitor. it's a waste of time. it's a waste of everybody's time. 

G: well, no birthday present for me this year.

she mumbles. she tries to smile, to fight back the tears in her eyes. she never had a birthday present in her life, ever. she feels very lonely. what she doesn't know is, that Joe is watching the whole thing.

sekian terima kasih.