i feel like creating my own theory

theory:


those who change their profile pictures on facebook EVERYDAY have low self-esteem.

because, they are insecure about how they look. they are confused, or in doubt, about which one is my best picture, so everybody will think i'm hot and gorgeous? so they change them everyday.


what about those who pile their best pictures into ONE picture?

gambar hiasan. couldn't find a real one.

maybe these people are just full of themselves.

what about those who don't even put their real faces in the profile pic?

are they not happy putting their own photo in the profile pic? or just because this picture is cool? ok it's cool. coz it's house.

what about those who don't even put HUMAN FACE as their profile pic?

not to be judgmental or stereotyping, but most 'alim-alim' and 'religious' ones don't put their own pics on facebook. they're quite mysterious, i guess. coz i have a few friends like this, and they don't even use their own name! and i look at the pictures, and nothing helped. and the info also didn't help. mysterious, i tell you.

what about those who put cartoon faces as their profile pic?

so this isn't cartoon. what i meant was more like SPONGEBOB or PATRICK or JIMMY NEUTRON or whatever. these people would be, duhh, in love with cartoons.

what about those who put TWO or more people in the profile pic?

so people will wonder, which one is she? the cute one or the less cute one? so looking at how many people 'like' her simple status, i guess she's the cute one.

blood-sucking shit.

what's up with these VAMPIRE thing? i just don't get it. girls. screaming. TEAM EDWARD. TEAM JACOB. (ok itu lama punya cerita. now edward and bella ada honeymoon punya scene? i know coz i keep track on celebs. not twilight.)

TEAM I DON'T GIVE A SHIT

breaking dawn. pfft. same with HARRY POTTER. they got like, what, 6 movies already? it's the last movie. final. HAVE TO WATCH.


they're NOT TRUE. FICTIONAL. what are you guys crazying about?


a friend once asked me,


"eh kau tak tengok harry potter ke? dah keluar cinema."


"sorry, kau salah orang. i don't do harry potter."


"you are SO weird."


excuse me? a kid with a zig-zag scar on his forehead, with rounded glasses, flailing his magic stick? fighting with dragons and trolls and whatnot? uuhhh. i prefer THIS (my) side of the world. you can put a huge wall between us, i don't care. you go chase your vampires and wolves. i go chase my real bad boys with guns and bazookas :D

orphan killer, you suck.

sometimes, bad movies are just so bad, you don't even know where to start. but now i know where to start. well, not exactly. it's gonna be bersepah-sepah. but i'll just say what i want to say.

let's start with THE ORPHAN KILLER.

boo

first off, i don't even know WHY the f*ck did i download these horrible movies. oh wait i know why. i just want some new movies. so i googled 2011 movies, got their titles, then started downloading. why do they still make these kind of movies??

it's so tacky. so stupid. yeah, no movies are perfect. unless they were inspired by true stories, and they changed very little to make the movie interesting. that's acceptable. example : 127 HOURS. 

a triumphant true story gitu

some movies, you can just enjoy them. and if you want to find the movie's weaknesses, you can watch again, and find the bummers. that's also acceptable. example : THE RISE OF THE PLANET OF THE APES. 

ceasar says NO!

these are great movies. not just because JAMES FRANCO starred in both of them.

reeeeaaaly?

but THE ORPHAN KILLER. hmmm. ok first, i don't like gory, bloody movies. darah-darah banyak. potong tangan la, potong kaki la. toreh sana toreh sini. jerit sana jerit sini. perempuan jerit sangat bising ye. lama pulak tu. ok fine i got it. you jerit. nak tunggu pulak sampai you habis jerit. haih.

then, dah la konon nak buat toreh-toreh. nampak sangat la dia just run the blunt knife along the lady's back, and we can see the blood trail from there. JUST trail. no wound. c'mon laa kedekut betul. upah la siapa-siapa pandai lukis wound.

lepas tu lepas tu, bila that killer nak kejar that lady, keluar pulak music rock. huh? are you f*cking kidding me? tak silap i, lagu slipknot.

ok maybe si killer ni punya topeng pun di inspired by one of these. 

the 1st one maybe?

lepas tu, lepas tu, that killer pakai topeng. kononnya dari dia kecik la dah pakai tu. sampai besar, tak pernah bukak-bukak. macam mana dia makan ek? ok la ada lubang sikit kat mulut topeng tu. boleh la kot makan. tapi tapi. badan that killer is well-built. macam cukup makan. you punya selera makan ok ke bila pakai topeng tu? dengan terpalit-palit darah orang yg you bunuh tu. oh ok you drink your victims' blood. lupa pulak. i thought you were supposed to be malnourished. ahaks. lepas tu, lepas tu. you tak basuh muka ke? sure muka you minyak-minyak dalam tu. eww.

the killer tu mesti ada troubled childhood punya. dulu parents dia pun kena bunuh, dia witnessed sendiri his parents' murder. then dia jadi psychopath. pfft. typical.

lepas tu, lepas tu. that lady yg dikejar tu, dapat pulak ditangkap. di torture-torture la kan. lepas tu that killer pergi cucuk screwdriver kat kaki that lady. lepas tu jerit. dan jerit lagi. dan jerit lagi. sampai i kena fast forward la kan. tangan dia kena ikat guna wayar tajam-tajam gitu. lepas tu, lepas tu. of course lah dia boleh lepas kan. dia tarik-tarik sendiri, benda tu jadi longgar sendiri. uish. sakit betul lah. lepas tu, lepas tu. sebab kaki dah kena cucuk screwdriver, jadi jalan pun kena lah tempang-tempang sikit gitu. eleh. tu pun nak tempang. tapi boleh pulak angkat-angkat kapak guna dua-dua tangan yg tadi injured kena wayar tajam-tajam tu. tangan tak sakit ke? kaki je sakit? 

lepas tu, lepas tu. that lady pun ambushed la that killer. wah pukul-pukul kepala dia. sampai darah pun keluar dari mask dia yg dia tak pernah dibukak tu. lepas tu tinggal je body that killer kat situ. that lady pun pergi la jalan naik atas bumbung. nangis-nangis. konon dah habis segala penderitaan sekian-sekian. i pun tak tau la kenapa dia nak pergi bumbung.

masa nak pergi bumbung tu, suddenly, wound dari tempat kena cucuk screwdriver tu membuak-buak darah keluar. eh. tadi tak keluar pun? kenapa nak naik bumbung baru nak keluar darah? bukan sepatutnya dah clot ke? lepas tu, jalan dah tak tempang dah. kena MERANGKAK pulaak. ha baru dramatik you.

lepas tu, lepas tu. of course lah that killer rose from the dead kan. cerita-cerita pembunuh ni, pembunuh ni mesti liat nak mati tau. i pun tak tau la kenapa. dia nak bagi suspens banyak kot. nak bagi thrill. tapi masalahnya, i dah tau dah tu semua. diorang ni suka tau. buat cerita yg predictable. ok berbalik kepada rise-from-the-dead killer. dia pun kejar la that lady guna kapak. that lady tu pun mengengsot-ngengsot (dramatik) away from that killer. bila that killer angkat je kapak tu, setinggi-tinggi alam, nak smash the lady's skull, i dah agak dah : mesti kena tembak kejap lagi.

BANG! BANG! betul you. memang kena tembak. the predictability of this movie is just unbelievable. how ironic.

fyi, the gun belongs to a policeman, who try bunuh jugak that killer, but dia dah kena belasah dulu. sebab policemen always got beaten up by the bad guys.

adoi, nak kena tembak pun nak kena guna grafik. bosan betul. pistol yg tembak tu ada la api-api sikit keluar dari muncung pistol. serious sedih gila.

ha lagi satu typical horror movies (horror lah sangat). mesti ada punya nak naked girls. sikit pun jadi lah. maybe dia tau movie dia sangat bosan and langsung lah tak logik, jadi dia masukkan la naked girls nak bagi orang stay tengok. ok zhafran, tak payah nak tengok movie ni pastu fast forward cari perempuan bogel ok. XOXO, OMG! ahaks.

artistic side of me :)

the desert

the beach

the wind

the lips

marilyn manson

poodle

scream

love

flying kiss

persoalan.

ada banyak persoalan yg bermain-main di fikiran sempit aku sekarang.

aku ada seorang kawan di facebook. namanya I (initial je la). lelaki. hensem ke tak, tak perasan pulak sebab kat profile picture tu kecik je kan gambarnye. aku perasan, setiap status dia mesti ada orang like. lebih dari seorang like. at least 3 orang akan like. dah lama dah aku perasan. sedangkan status-status dia tu biasa-biasa je. bukan quote best-best pun. contoh:

"pernah aku terasa begini seumur hidupku..." huh? serious aku tak faham. 3 people like this.

"[the reason is u] -Maxis SMS" 5 people like this.

"S.K.Y.P.E" 11 people like this.

"c l a s s i c . c o r n e r !" 4 people like this.

ok jadinya, kebanyakan status-status mamat ni, aku tak berapa nak faham motifnya, and bagi aku takde la best mana sampai aku nak like. sampai 11 orang nak like.

jadi, hari ini, disebabkan aku takda kerja lain nak buat, aku pun pergi la click nak tengok siapa lah gerangan orang-orang yg like status mamat ni. 

oh. 90% yg like tu semua perempuan.

lepas tu aku pun click la profile mamat ni. nak tengok la dia hensem ke tak kan. nama dia dah ada nama campur mat saleh. 

tapi, ala ramai je kan yg letak profile name campur-campur nama mat saleh. maravilla la, beckham la, bellamy la, owen la, zeus la (ahaks), galway la, dan macam-macam lagi la. bagi aku, orang-orang yg buat macam ni, entah apa-apa. mungkin nama-nama tersebut melambangkan idola mereka, tapi, tak payah la sampai nak tukar nama korang. kalau i nak tau idola you, nanti i bukak la info kat profile you. ok? (ok dulu pun aku buat gak camtu. farah harrington, siti puteri farah saadong. tapi i dah berubah you.) ok zhafran zeus boleh dikecualikan. sebab zeus bukan idolanya.

berbalik kepada mamat-yg-status-ramai-orang-like. so nama dia dah ada nama mat saleh sikit. tengok muka, oh, memang ada la sikit-sikit nampak macam campur mat saleh. betul agaknya ada campur mat saleh. hensem ke? entah. ada gambar hensem. ada gambar tak hensem.

lepas tu, aku pun nak analyze lah, kenapa ramai sangat perempuan yg like status mamat ni? 

1. adakah sebab dia hensem? 

2. adakah sebab dia ramai kawan?

3. adakah sebab dia ramai kawan perempuan?

4. wait, macamana dia boleh jadi facebook friend aku?

untuk soalan 1, aku dah analyze. and aku dapat conclusion, bahawa, aku tak dapat memastikan sama ada dia hensem atau tak. because beauty is subjective.

untuk soalan 2 dan 3, disebabkan aku ni pemalas dan tidak consistent orangnya, aku pun tak check kawan dia ada berapa, apatah lagi nak check kawan perempuan dia lagi ramai dari kawan lelaki atau tak.

untuk soalan 4, of course lah aku tak boleh jawab tu. mana aku nak tau. and juga disebabkan aku ni pemalas, aku pun tak check siapa mutual friends aku dengan dia.

kesimpulannya, aku cuma dapat banyak persoalan yg tak berjawab disebabkan kemalasan aku. 

tapi, aku bersyukur kerana aku tak menghabiskan masa aku nak jawab persoalan-persoalan pasal orang yg aku tak kenal pun.

tapi, aku tidak bersyukur kerana aku telah menghabiskan masa menaip pasal orang yg aku tak kenal, dan tidak pula menjawab apa-apa persoalan.

aku rasa sangat pathetic sekarang.

can't fool me ;)

i am an animal lover. a lot of people are. there are 3 kinds of people:

1. animal lovers

2. animal haters

3. ones who don't give a shit

i absolutely HATE those who hate animals. i think there's something wrong with those people. they are psychopaths. eek.

the problem now is those who don't give a shit. if asked,

"kau suka kucing?"

"aku tak suka, aku tak benci. biasa-biasa je. takde la nak pegang-pegang sangat macam kau."

yeah yeah wtv

ok. at least you don't kick or hurt the cats. ok that's fine with me.

BUT

bila ada la golongan-golongan macam ni kan (yg don't give a shit tu), dia kawan dengan golongan-golongan yg suka kucing kan (tak kisah la kucing ke, apa-apa haiwan la, sebab most cat lovers don't specify their interests in cats only), and kalau si don't-give-a-shit girl ni kawan dengan cat-lover boy, si don't-give-a-shit girl ni akan BERPURA-PURA suka jugak kat kucing. so that nanti dekat facebook ke mana-mana ke, boleh la nak share-share gambar kucing yg cute-cute ke, post-post menarik pasal kucing ke. so the cat-lover boy tu tau la konon this don't-give-a-shit girl ni actually a cat-lover girl. 

cat-lover boy + cat-lover girl = the sweetest thing ever

damn isn't it annoying? that bitch is a fake you ignorant cat-lover boy. pfft. why would i even care?

ok bagus la kalau the don't-give-a-shit girl tu mula nak berjinak-jinak dgn kucing. start nak sayang kucing. laaaaagi bagus.

TAPI

depan aku kau nak geli-geli pulak dgn kucing tu. what a phony bitch. i feel like smackin yo stupid head.

what's so special about MORNINGS?

i am a morning person. especially on weekends. because, a lot of people will take the chance to claim their sleeping hours on weekends right? then on weekend mornings, everything will be so quiet, and peaceful. not a lot of people around. when i go to the cafe to have breakfast, it's the best moment of my weekend time. i feel like,

"semua nasi lemak kat sini diorang serve untuk aku! aku sorang!"

but of course i don't eat all the nasi lemak. 

i feel so special. let me tell you why i feel so special.

my father once brought me to a store somewhere i couldn't remember. we went there early, when the store had just opened. the owner was chinese. we were the first customers. the owner treated us so nicely. and we left. then my father said to me:

"for chinese people, their first customers are always treated nicely because they are thought to bawa ONG. so when you bargain or whatever, diorang tak kisah. bagi punya. bila 1st customer happy, the day will bawa ONG."

so i applied this to ALL shops, regardless the owners' race. but for my own sake la. tak kisah la diorang dapat untung ke tak. if dapat, bagus la.

another thing. the morning's air could never disappoint you. it's always cold. like, ALWAYS. tak kisah la time tu musim panas ke, musim kemarau ke. kalau pagi-pagi, mesti sejuk. even for a short time. like today, until 9.30am still sejuk. lucky me. mornings are also mysterious. they can be very cloudy, you expect it's going to rain for the rest of the day. but sometimes (most of the time) it's going to be sunny. how deceiving.

i like mornings. when the sun hasn't rised yet. but bright enough to see everything. when everything's a little bit foggy. birds chirping (not too excessively). when i feel i haven't wasted a lot of hours of the day (even if i'm not doing anything during the fine morning). when all the houses are quiet because everybody is still sleeping. when everybody hasn't showered yet, but i have, and i feel so fresh and smell so nice compared to everybody (ahaks). so because everybody is still sleeping, they won't be bothering me. my morning is mine. nobody is going to ruin it. and i'm loving it.

:)

dear diary

in real life, my writing is better than that.

no shit.

i'm a proud writer.

(grandiosity)

beautiful women

wanna know something about women? the so-called once-a-month THING. what is it? huhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhu

zhafran,

the once-a-month THING is called TANTRUMS. wait. that's weekly thing.

zhafran,

the once-a-month THING is called, well, tak nak lah cerita kat sini. entah apa-apa. malu la you, i'm a lady you. fine young lady aww.

women are RELATIONAL creatures. translate : RELATIONSHIP IS A VERY IMPORTANT THING IN WOMEN. doesn't matter if it's involving boyfriend-girlfriend relationship, or friends, or family members. any relationship. this is a very big deal to them. even if they don't admit it. (but hey, if I say no, then no. don't bother to ask any further. lying is not my thaang.)

women are GOOD listener. you can tell all your problems, and women will listen to them attentively. but if she's sleepy, then don't tell la. she'll fall asleep. gracefully like sleeping beauty, because women are so beautiful :'>

i'm all ears.

women are BAD problem solvers. they listen because they love to listen to emotions being expressed. they're EMOTIONAL. but we can stop at that. emotions all day long is very feminine, you know. no need to solve the problem. you solve it, no more emotions coming out. we focus on the emotions. ok. focus.

women LOVE compliments. even though it's very small, "you don't even realize you're complimenting her" kind of way. example : "oh my fingernails are dirty compared to yours." ahaks.

clean fingernails are sexy meoww

women LOVE when you notice very small things about them. example : when she's eating mihun, and very carefully isolating the taugeh and undercooked sawi to the edge of the plate, and he says "oh you don't eat veggies?" ( :'> can't believe you noticed)

women LIKE to feel insecure about their bodies. they're not fat, but they think they're fat. i am not fat, but i have some fatty tissues in places where i don't want them to be. that's insecurity. i feel thin only in the mornings, when i haven't had my breakfast yet. golden moment  in front of the mirror. shitty moment after lunch in front of the mirror.

after lunch.

that's women. and all women are different. (according to all women)

umur sudah tua.

umur sudah tua. tapi pakaian macam budak umur 10 tahun. alasan : oh badan saya memang kecik.

umur sudah tua. tapi main game kat facebook hari-hari. alasan : oh saya nak release tension.

umur sudah tua. tapi tengok kartun kat tv hari-hari. alasan : oh saya memang suka tengok kartun. dari dulu lagi.

umur sudah tua. tapi ambil gambar sendiri banyak-banyak post dekat facebook. alasan : oh entahlah.

umur sudah tua. tapi kasut macam orang muda. alasan : oh kasut ni cantik kan?

umur sudah tua. tapi makan McD hari-hari. alasan : wait, McD untuk budak-budak je ke?

umur sudah tua. tapi pakai make up tebal-tebal. alasan : wait, budak-budak pakai make up tebal-tebal ke?

umur sudah tua. tapi tak nak makan sayur. alasan : sayur tak sedap.

umur sudah tua. tapi selalu eja salah-salah. alasan : ala, nak main-main pown tak boley. apew la. ngee.

umur sudah tua. tapi lipat baju tak lawa. alasan : that's just my way.

umur sudah tua. tapi tak pandai  masak. alasan : tapi saya pandai buat kek.

umur sudah tua. tapi bilik sepah-sepah. alasan : saya dah try kemas. tapi macam tu jugak jadinye.

umur sudah tua. tapi iron baju sangat lama. alasan : saya jarang iron baju.

umur sudah tua. tapi tak pandai buat air. alasan : saya jarang buat air. order je.

umur sudah tua. tapi suka main kucing. alasan : tak salah menyayangi binatang.

umur sudah tua. tapi tulisan masih buruk. alasan : ramai lagi orang tua tulisan buruk.

umur sudah tua. tapi suka tukar-tukar hp. alasan : hp lama rosak.


umur sudah tua. saya nak kahwin. tapi, tapi, macam mana tu?

ok ok i'm sane now.

you know, my Mrs Chandran (english teacher) once said,

be alert with english words, signs in english around you. make it a habit to correct the grammar, the spelling,

and whatnot.

but, but.

don't you think it's kinda bitchy? it's my habit now! and i think i'm a bitch! thanks, mrs chandran.

when people post their status in facebook, like.. shit when i'm searching, all of them are posting in Bahasa. nvm. let me give you some examples, ok.

example 1.

how are my love one? have he eaten yet?

correction: how IS my love? unless you are talking directly to your lover. it's like, apa tu, kata ganti nama ke-3? pfft whatever. HAS he eaten yet?

example 2.

oh disneyland is so amazing! breathe taking!

correction: BREATHTAKING. breathe is a verb. breath is a noun.

example 3.

thanks god for .. (whatever).

correction: THANK god. if you wanna say thanks, just say thanks. not thanks you. not thanks god. i thank you. thanks to you, i'm a paranoid now.

oh and banyak lagi la. anda faham tak perasaan saya yang nak je comment kat status diorang tu, betapa salahnya grammar diorang? saya tau, saya punya grammar pun kadang-kadang tak betul jugak. that's why i play it safe. i use sentences that i'm very determined that the grammar is correct. so my sentences are repeated. very the bosan you know.

so, apa perasaan anda, kalau anda dah post something kat facebook, saja-saja je, or dengan harapan yg sangat tinggi that somebody akan 'like', or dengan harapan yg sangat tinggi that somebody akan comment, and that post becomes viral, and SO MANY PEOPLE akan comment jugak, and 'like' jugak,

TAPI

anda dapat pulak orang tak guna macam saya ni, yg pergi betulkan grammar anda kat post tu.

uisy2. panas beb. pukul kang minah ni. tak gune, memalukan aku je.

kan kan?

bitchy mood is back

ye aku tau. kalau bercinta semua benda indah-indah. ayang sana ayang sini. abang sana abang sini. baby sana baby sini.

but,

bunga and cloud? ape bende tu? entah. tak paham.

letak gambar duck face. caption: ohh buruk gilaa. tapi tak pa la huhu :P

puh. lease.

buruk letak jugak kat fb, means kau rasa tak buruk la kan. EEEEEE GERAMNYE AKU NGAN ORANG-ORANG MACAM NI.

pfft.

cranky mood now. nobody touches me. you touches, you dies. me feel wanna rolls on the grass. clean grass without poops. me wanna runs very very fast and wins gold medal. me wanna wins 10 gold medals. me wanna wins 100 gold medals. nobody touches me gold medals. nobody touches me 100 gold medals. people with damn microphones can dies. me hates people with damn microphones. people with damn microphones are noisy and why don't you just go dies. bunga and cloud can dies too. ha.

inhale. exhale. it's not the end of the world. today at exactly 7pm local time, i will eat chicken. and nobody will disturb me eating chicken.

yesterday doc showed us a video on HOW IT FEELS TO BE A SCHIZOPHRENIC.

i wonder HOW IT FEELS TO BE A PSYCHOPATH. no hard feelings y'all. no feelings at all. may i punch ya in the face? ok witcha? ok punch. wow. supposed to be feelin good, aight? no? no. cause a psychopath dont feel nothing yaww. you feel good, you no true psychopath. not cool yaw.

word salad.