the best companion to lepak

nak dengar tak cerita lepak? cerita i lepak-lepak kat shopping complex, mahkota parade specifically. huh? budak perempuan lepak-lepak? oops sorry i bukan budak lagi. huh? perempuan lepak-lepak? eh mana ada pelik perempuan lepak-lepak. dah biasa dah tu semua. dunia zaman sekarang ni bla bla bla malas i nak bebel pasal dunia zaman sekarang.

tapi kan, i lepak-lepak dengan papa i. huh? a 22-year-old girl lady (i'm a ladyyyy) lepak-lepak with her father at a shopping complex? that's so weird. eh tak weird ke? memang tak pun. bagi i memang tak weird. sebab masa i bising-bising nak bawak kereta papa i jalan-jalan melaka, and my dad tak bagi, my dad kata,

"Bagi papa, semua anak papa masih kecik lagi." 

thanks, dad. so anyway, masa kat mahkota parade tu, actually my sister and brother-in-law were bringing my other relatives to go jalan-jalan satu melaka. kereta tak cukup, kena la bring my dad's car also. and kebetulan i ada hal la pulak dengan my blackberry so i pun ikut la sebab i beli blackberry dekat mahkota jugak. so while they jalan-jalan kat luar kota melaka pergi a famosa naik beca tangkap gambar bagai, i dengan my dad pun duduk la kat mahkota tu. because we don't like heat. malaysia is so hot i cannot stand it (budget mat salleh).

my dad got his own agenda : to get his helicopter fixed. yeah a 56-year-old man still plays a remote-controlled helicopter. his excuse : 

"i didn't have the opportunity when i was a kid." 

ok sounds reasonable, dad. you have my blessings. so anyway, when i was done, we met in the food court, and we had our lunch. then we went to the WONDERLAND to play basketball. well, i played, he recorded me playing. and he recorded some nerd guy dancing. ala yang menari tekan-tekan gune kaki tu. wuyoh beriye wei die menari. segan i tengok huhu.

then we jalan-jalan some more. and my dad got tired and wanted to sit down. we duduk dekat satu kedai makan tu. meja makan tu tak bersih lagi ada banyak used pinggan and stuff. then i said,

"if we want to sit here we have to order."

"that's ok just wait until they come to take our order, then we leave before they take it."

then duduk-duduk, borak-borak, orang kedai tu tak datang pun bawak menu ke ape ke. meja pun tak bersihkan. tetibe nak marah pulak service macam taik kan (sedangkan taknak pun makan situ). then, i thought,

"papa that's ok la. ni konon pinggan-pinggan ni kita la yang punya ni. kita baru habis makan la konon ni."

"haaa betul-betul. cepat pegang perut konon kenyang. wahh sedap gila."

"ok tak payah act sangat nanti obvious pulak tipu kan."

then we duduk lama-lama and borak-borak la. i belek-belek my bb, my dad belek-belek hp murah dia. then, i terperasan,

"eh papa, kedai ni self-service laa. take the menus ourselves."

"good, then they will never come. boleh duduk lama-lama lagi hahahah."

then duduk-duduk. baru perasan tu kedai cina sebenarnya. tengok-tengok la dekat sign situ, ada drinks je. food maybe ada la tapi kena pergi tengok menu dia yang kena self-service tu, so i malas la nak ambik. sebab i nak tengok ada logo halal tak. so i cakap la,

"papa ni kedai makan cina la."

"oh. ada babi tak?"

"entah la."

then terdiam. then i cakap,

"asal cina je ada babi. that's stereotyping! not good."

then we duduk lagi lama-lama until bontot sakit lah kan tu kerusi rotan. then bangun pergi la kedai jepun. papa i cakap, tu kedai RM5. tapi bila i masuk, takda pun tanda harga. takkan la periuk besar-besar tu RM5. so i tak percaya lah papa i. then ternampak la satu kalendar 2012 gambar kucing. comel gileeeee. every month ada kucing-kucing different breeds punya. tapi takda tanda harga. then i tanya papa,

"kalau harga kalendar ni RM5 nak beli tak?"

"Nak!"

then bawak la kalendar tu pergi kaunter. oh ramai pula beratur di kaunter. tak jadi beli lah jom keluar dari kedai durjana takda tanda harga ini.

then we jalan lagi. tunggu my relatives habis jalan, diorang nak pergi food court mahkota sebab diorang belum lunch lagi. my dad and i booked some tables in the food court. that time was like, 4pm. if i were them, i would go on a hunger strike. how could they stand not having lunch until 4pm?

sampai situ saja lah perjalanan kami. no lah. lepas tu perjalanan kami ialah balik rumah la kan. pfft.

bb BB bb BB bb

i ada blackberry baru. bb bold. best lah kan. eksyen huh. tapi pakainye tak reti. dah letak profile silent, berbunyik lagi lah hp i ni. sakit ati i tau. godek-godek lame sikit dah habis battery. tapi ada kawan i cakap, takpe, memang smartphone semua battery cepat habis (fuhh lega i dgr). ada orang tanya, berapa beli bb bold ni? i jawab RM1.5k. dia kata, then kenapa tak beli iPhone? (damnn tak lega i dgr.) cis kalau la i tau harga iPhone pun RM1.5k.. ish ish. dah beli tu dah la. bersyukur ok. (sedangkan bukan i pun yg beli uhu mekasih la incik zfrn). 

bila beli je bb bold baru ni, ada je lah benda tak enak i dengar. cuba la kamu-kamu semua ni sokong je ape yg i ada ni? sila laaahh sokong bb bold i ni! penat tau i godek-godek dok tahu menate gapo dio kato nak on wifi pong dok gheti.

now pasal BBM. ye la i tau la kalau sape-sape ada bb boleh la BBM kan, free kan. tapinye, kenapa sibuk nak BBM ngn i kalau you tak rapat pun dgn i? nak msg2 free gitu. kalau ye pun msg free, nak msg apenye? beriye beno lah nak BBpin i. kalau you ni mmg besfren i ke, boyfren i ke, girlfren i ke, gay fren i ke, fren-fren i yg i slalu kena chain msg or nak ajak makan kafe ke, boleh la. ni tak. tak pernah-pernah nye. kalau i cakap i tak nak BBM dgn you mcmmane? haaa. tersentap hati mak, padan muka you.

ps: pakai shampoo anti hair fall, lagi banyak rambut i gugur ada la. tapi takpe. bau dia sedap. pakai lah shampoo head and shoulder anti hair fall for women. nanti boleh la rambut kita sama-sama wangi sweet nyeww.

eee

i tau la you buat bisnes. tapi kan, erm.

bluek.

i pulak yg segan. hahak

byk lagi nak komen di sini. tapi, taknak lah. nak berubah menjadi seorang yg lebih bijaksana dalam mengawal perasaan. kalau jelik, jijik, meluat dan seangkatan dengannya, kita just cakap BLUEK ok? ok.

BLUEK

nak lukis jugak!

jgn la tipu i

i tak faham la. kenapa mesti:

1. blogwalking

2. tinggal pesanan kat shout out blog orang tu, suruh visit blog dia balik

3. or, mintak orang yg dia visit tu, follow dia balik

err. hey you tak follow i pun, why i nak follow you? ok la i come clean. i memang tak berapa nak tau dunia blog ni (obviously). walaupun ada banyak blog orang lain yg sangat berguna dekat orang yang buta blog ni, yang postnya macam

macammana nak tulis post-post menarik?

macammana nak attract ramai followers?

macammana dan macammana?

yang kat shoutmix i tu pun, entah sapa-sapa. i click, advertisment jadah ape tah. i rasa tertipu tau auww. lagi, ada plak orang kata 

cantik la blog awak ni.

eleh tipu. hitam kelabu je ni. bukannya i letak wallpaper ke ape-ape ke (tak tau pun cmne nak buat huhu)

nice info. love to visit again.

eleh tipu lagi. info ape lah. i cerita kehidupan harian. dan bukan kehidupan harian. dan mengumpat orang. i bukan post macammana nak bagi post tu menarik, or nak attract followers. i takda info pun. tipu. (memang tipu pun, i click kat orang tu, advertisment je keluar. haha kantoi sebenarnya i care about people who read my blog)

blogwalking i faham la. saja-saja nak baca blog orang lain kan. baca-baca cerita best dia. kalau tak best dah la move on la blog lain kan. tak payah la nak tipu kat shoutmix dia tu cakap, 

eh menarik la blog awak ni. visit mine pulak tau! xoxo.

tak menarik cakap la tak menarik. tak baik tau tipu orang. jadi lah seorang yang jujur. ecece.

i pun ada blogwalking jugak. ada la sorang famous blogger ni, dia cakap, dia tak kisah follower dia berapa-berapa pun. asalkan orang baca post dia. kalau i, i tak kisah follower i berapa-berapa pun. dan i tak kisah pun orang nak baca ke tak post i. i takda pun pergi promote diri sendiri kat blog orang lain (ehem.)

ok la fine. you do whatever you want to do lah. promote lah apa lah. ada i kisah? i jugak yg letak shoutmix tu kan.

kalau still ada yang buat cmtu kat shoutmix i tu, trang tang tang lah kantoi tak baca post ni kan. wahahahahahah. mari tengok. now sunday december 18, 0920

prank callers are so not cool

suddenly, i don't know how to channel my anger anymore. how did i do it all this time? through facebook? so if i'm not doing THAT anymore, i think i can be proud of myself.

phew. someone just texted me,

"salam, hy nga wtpew?"

if this is a man, what a loser.

i replied,

"sape ni?"

he replied,

"xbyfrnd..hehe"

huh? ex boyfriend? i only have ONE ex-bf (yeah, call me inexperienced.) but, i won't even count him as one, because when i think about it, we were a couple for about, i don't know, 1, 2 months? and we never saw each other during courtship. it's so stupid. so, i DON'T HAVE ANY ex bf. (yeah, call me an angel ='>)

then he called me. then i said,

"sape ni?"

then he said,

"Azrul."

then i said,

"ok sorry tak kenal."

then i hung up. then he called again. then i picked up, but i put the phone on the table. so his credit will be falling. or his bill will be mounting.

then he texted me,

"farah, xbek layan sye cmnie,cptnye awk lupekn sy..sye xpnh lupekn awk wlupun lme kte xjmp..xpela ingtkn awk mcm dlu lg..tp??ermm.."

asshole, you sound like a fucking GIRL. then i said,

"sape ni? xyah la nak main2. not cool."

then he said,

"be smart k.."

err. huh? then i said,

"i don't have any ex bf. so u b smart."

then he said,

"bf k, nt special bf why u dnt undrstnd?kwn lelaki is nt teman lelaki istmwa k.."

man, i'm getting bored with you. then i said,

"where did u get my no? what's your name?"

then he said,

"ur sis wedding card.."

fuck. then i said,

"i c."

then he said,

"ohh yeahhh"

double fuck. then i said,

"so u kawan kakak ke? azrul?"

then he said,

"no,im ur frnd larh.."

triple fuck? then i said,

"sori xigt."

then he said,

"xpe, awk ktne?ad kt rmh ke?"

man. get a life. get a gf. then i said,

"xd."

then he said,

"hbs 2 ktne?"

i'm out. malas aku nk layan kau lah pondan.

ps: i'm not a gay hater. i just hate this guy.

dibadai ombak (euw)

i baru habis baca satu novel ni. EVERYONE WORTH KNOWING by Lauren Weisberger. the same author that wrote THE DEVIL WEARS PRADA. ok dalam novel ni kan, i terkejut. sebabnye, ada la satu part tu, betul-betul sama lah dgn i. dalam cite ni, this girl ni sebenarnya minat baca novel love-love romantic-romantic gitu (macam i), tapi malu nak baca depan orang (macam i) sebab kadang-kadang, cover buku tu macam nak gambar geli-geli sikit.

WAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

malunye i.

so, this girl ni selalu baca novel-novel camtu, tapi kalau open, sorok novel tu bawah dictionary or buku-buku tebal lain (bukan macam i).

ok tak malu dah. ape kelas sorok-sorok maaan. kantoi buat malu je. tapinye, dalam cite ni, ada pulak book club untuk orang-orang macam ni. kalau nak harap kat malaysia ni tak payah lah hampeh biar la aku sorang-sorang baca buku romantic-romantic sorang-sorang isk isk.

tapi, kat malaysia ni, ramai je orang perempuan yang baca novel MELAYU yang tajuk nak BICARA HATI, OMBAK RINDU (ehem), KASIH TAK KESAMPAIAN. oh, oh paling tak tahan MALAM PERTAMA. yuck. you tak malu ke baca tu open-open kat KTM, LRT, Monorail dan sebagainya? dah la tajuk novel tu trang tang tang 1 kilometer i dah boleh baca (i tak rabun tau).

ye, i tau. "dah novel ni best. sukahati aku lah nak baca mana-mana. ada aku kacau kau?"

memang you takde kacau i. tapi i tak tau kenapa, i still rasa terganggu lah. lagi-lagi bila tengok you da start senyum sorang-sorang masa baca novel tu. membuatkan i terfikir,

"ni mesti tengah part, suami balik, isteri pergi melutut bukak stokin suami, lepas tu suami tu berbisik dalam hati, hmm cantik jugak dia ni. hidung mancung, kulit bersih. lepas tu si isteri pun mendongak, haa kantoi Encik Hariz tengah usha." eh eh. ada ke i cakap i baca OMBAK RINDU? tak kan? so?

lagi satu, orang cakap, baca buku dalam kereta (or KTM or LRT or Monorail) boleh juling.

so, moral of the story, jangan la baca OMBAK RINDU apa-apa buku dalam KTM. i tak nak tengok itu semua. ok bebeh? long live romantic novels!

MATURITY

baiklah kawan-kawan. di sini, saya ingin bercerita tentang: MATURITY.

blog ini khas untuk penulis blog assbipi.blogspot, dan segala orang yang komen-komen pendek mahupun berjela-jela di setiap post blog tersebut.

of course lah kalau tajuk pun MATURITY, mestila aku nak cakap pasal, betapa tak matured nya siapa-siapa yg terlibat dengan blog assbipi tu kan. tapi, kalau aku yg sekarang ni bercerita pasal benda ni, maksudnye aku pun tak matured la? adoi. wtv la. aku geram sangat. nak cakap la kat sini. tak nak mencemarkan nama aku kalau aku komen kat sana. even takde sapa pun nak baca blog aku kat sini. takpe. sekarang, mood aku kan wtf. so i get a pass.

first, si penulis blog tu memang lah sangat budak-budak. and aku tak suka budak-budak.

second, si penulis blog tu memang lah nak attention. attention whore lah. obviously. sebab dia ada delete a few comments yg dia rasa nak delete. kalau dia don't give a shit, mesti dia biar je semua comments kan? or kalau dia don't give a shit jugak, maybe dia akan close terus column nak comment tu kan? pfft.

third, si pengkomen ni, not surprisingly, BUDAK-BUDAK SEKOLAH LAGI. doesn't matter lah SBPians ke, SMKians ke. semangat sekolah berkobar-kobar lah katakan. darah muda gitu. biar putih tulang jangan putih mata? I JUST LOVE WAR, NOT PEACE. bluekh.

fourth, si pengkomen ni, surprisingly, ada pulak lah yg DAH KELUAR SEKOLAH pun. adoi. sibuk aje. jadi batu api ye. so not cool.

fifth, si penulis blog dan pengkomen ni sama-sama bangang. konon nak tunjuk siapa hebat, siapa berani, siapa pandai, siapa sekolah SBP dia lah genius satu dunia, boleh join MENSA. tapi, ENGLISH GRAMMAR SALAH-SALAH. ish ish. habis lah sekolah dulu dik oi. tu la. Mrs Chandran ajar tak nak dengar. sibuk baca blog broken English orang lain. ish ish. korang tau tak MENSA tu apa? pegi Google.

sixth, si pengkomen ni ada sorang, wah bukan main lagi. UGUT si penulis blog:

KO JANGAN KACAU FORMMATE AKU. NI LAST WARNING. 

wey. ape kau nak buat kat penulis blog tu? kenal pun tidak. ni last warning? so next time dia buat, ape kau nak buat? nak belasah dia? silakan tumbuk monitor kat cybercafe sekolah tu. or monitor kat cybercafe anywhere kat jb tu. or laptop kau sendiri. or kat iPhone or Blackberry or Samsung Galaxy kau tu. tumbuk semua gadjets yang kau ada. sayang sangat formmate kau.

seventh, sebab si pengkomen ni ramai budak-budak kan. entah dah akil baligh ke belum. ayat awal-awal cakap, 

AKU TAK NAK LAH CAKAP BANYAK *tapi berjela jugak komen kau* 

SEMOGA ALLAH BALAS SEMUA YG KAU BUAT *wow religious. good* 

WHAT THE FUCK LA, FUCKING BITCH. YOU FUCKING WHORE. I HOPE YOU DIE AND ROT IN HELL*eh dah baik-baik religious, ada pulak fuck dia. plus, grammar dia haywire, of course. malas aku nak tiru balik* 

aku pun bukan lah baik sangat kan, tapi aku rasa tak suka la ada perkataan ALLAH dan 

##########################

**********************************

FUCK dalam satu perenggan. or dekat-dekat.

eighth, disebabkan si penulis blog ni kutuk STF in particular, jadi pengkomen-pengkomen ramailah terdiri daripada budak-budak STF sendiri. aku malu betul tengok grammar diorang. and perangai diorang. tak nak mengaku junior boleh tak?

ninth, adik-adik, aku still akan mengaku senior korang. walaupun korang tak suka aku ke apa ke. sebab aku still ex STFian, no matter what. and you guys still STFians no matter what. jadinye, JANGAN LAH LAYAN SI PENULIS BLOG ATTENTION-WHORE TU. aku baca blog dia, aku gelak-gelak je. bila aku baca komen yg korang tulis, mula-mula aku gelak. lepas tu aku tak gelak dah. lepas tu aku buat apa ek.

tenth, aku rasa aku banyak kutuk pengkomen-pengkomen je. bukan si penulis blog pun. so, aku matured lah :D

my wtf list.

alamak. stupid wtf mood is coming. and it's taking control. over me. i just can't help it. i need to curse excessively. like a manic.

first. racism is sooo outdated. you racists can just rot in hell, thank you.

second. who knows playing spider solitaire can be so irritating. those decks of cards. they're just overwhelming. f*cked up.

third. well, i don't have a third. i don't even have a second. i just want something to complain about. so i made 'second' up.

fourth. how can you have a fourth if you don't have a third? and a second? f*cked up, right?

fifth. why am i so depressed?

sixth. i have this hair problem you know. hair falling. like, more than usual. thank god i have thick hair. probably it will take more time before i go bald.

seventh. this hair thing. i got hair all over my place. on the floor, on the bed. how would YOU feel if you were me? disgusted, right? wait. by your own hair? i don't think it's normal.

eighth. <-- looks funny, no? ith liketh, eighth. hth. youth knowth? yuckth. thunny.

ninth. <-- even funnier. like it's missing an 'e', but it's not. it's actually correct.

tenth. i just want to make it to the tenth. yeay i made it :O